no one will understand. no one.
my morale got stomp-on a million times.
i need more time to recover. but no one will give that chance or time.
no one bothers to take my hand and ask how am i feeling.
in this cruel world. there is no such thing as chance or time. there never will be. not even with people of your next of kin.
how sad right.
already told my friend before, this is a sad unforgiving world, dont understand why in the world are these even happening.
we were brought here to suffer. i said that when i was 6, i will say it again even if i'm 80.
I HATE MY LIFE.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
how much it sucks
it's so damn unfair when you're in your working class-period and you cannot take a damn break. and when you do, u should think of people around you who don't have that choice. nothing will ever be about you. when you say something you'll be compared, when you achieve something you'll be compared. when you do something you'll still be compared.
ive been compared to someone whom isnt worthy my whole life, and right now im outta that era im thrown into another comparission. when will the comparing end.
why cant it be, im stressed and u understand me for once. u said, why cant you understand me for once. this whole time am i not the understanding one. sometimes u just say stuff and never for once stop and appreciate what had been done for you. you're uncomfortable with so many things i just keep quiet and told myself hey. no big deal la, can work something else out.
EVERYTIME YOU ASK ME THE SAME QUESTION, WHY CANT YOU JUST LET IT GO. how to really? how to when you always end with a sentence that will make me feel guilty over the choice ive made. you came over kissed my forehead and said i love you then u went into the toilet. i went to shower but slamming everything around me. so you asked why are your pissed. so i said, it's very unfair for you to say that "i was there for your even when im uncomfortable with your family" because i was very uncomfortable when your friend stayed over for so long and watched porn in the room i was sleeping in and never push further because he was your good friend. after that it all became a blur, you said sorry to me cause it's your job you should have settled it yourself. and you stomped into the room. HOW ON EARTH WAS I SUPPOSE TO REACT TO SOMETHING LIKE THAT. let it go and be that idiotic senseless creature? i really dont know.
It's been a month and the half since im jobless and everyday i get constant reminders to get a job. first thing first. getting a job is not easy, sure many of us know that. exhibit A, AL and JA took three whole months to get a job after being unemployed. exhibit B, MA took a year and still jobless. it's really not easy. yes i had a choice to worked it off a jacks place until i get a job but like i said i needed to switch off and even if i were to work, the cash isnt gonna be in my pocket.
i wasnt understanding nothing wouldve ever gone your way. everything, well almost everything have been your way. until this.
when people say in life you have to choose and make your own choices, i reckon it's a big hoax. im not making any choice. EVEN MY OWN DAMN STUDIES. i want to pursue law to further pursue my investigative journalist career but seems like it's not going to happen. it's tough.
oh btw, he said, pity me instead of me pitying you. wow.
sometimes i wish i can permantly switch off and not wake up.
oh about the comparing part, maybe i should damn hell compare with people who had parent(s) by their side since young. probably i'd feel better that my fucking parents werent there for me when i was a kid.
and i shd compare with kids who had a proper childhood and not get touched and abused by assholes. ya guess what, no one knows that because of the lack of responsibilities from my parents, ive been jumping around houses and things happened.
until today, no one knows that mm's mom's bf use to touch me when i was as young as 6. touch me as in touch my damn privates. you can say that i may i rmbed wrongly den explain to me how the hell do i know what an orgasm feels. well technically i didnt know thats how it feels until he n i got together. and yeap thank you very much. compare me now, compare me with some other kid who got raped.
u noe i always tell mysef to be strong because its all in the past. but how. i was abused by people because im a stubborn kid. but you already said it what, im a kid. my freaking parents left me, how else was i suppose to react.
in life people will never give you chance to react. when its wrong its wrong.
ive been compared to someone whom isnt worthy my whole life, and right now im outta that era im thrown into another comparission. when will the comparing end.
why cant it be, im stressed and u understand me for once. u said, why cant you understand me for once. this whole time am i not the understanding one. sometimes u just say stuff and never for once stop and appreciate what had been done for you. you're uncomfortable with so many things i just keep quiet and told myself hey. no big deal la, can work something else out.
EVERYTIME YOU ASK ME THE SAME QUESTION, WHY CANT YOU JUST LET IT GO. how to really? how to when you always end with a sentence that will make me feel guilty over the choice ive made. you came over kissed my forehead and said i love you then u went into the toilet. i went to shower but slamming everything around me. so you asked why are your pissed. so i said, it's very unfair for you to say that "i was there for your even when im uncomfortable with your family" because i was very uncomfortable when your friend stayed over for so long and watched porn in the room i was sleeping in and never push further because he was your good friend. after that it all became a blur, you said sorry to me cause it's your job you should have settled it yourself. and you stomped into the room. HOW ON EARTH WAS I SUPPOSE TO REACT TO SOMETHING LIKE THAT. let it go and be that idiotic senseless creature? i really dont know.
It's been a month and the half since im jobless and everyday i get constant reminders to get a job. first thing first. getting a job is not easy, sure many of us know that. exhibit A, AL and JA took three whole months to get a job after being unemployed. exhibit B, MA took a year and still jobless. it's really not easy. yes i had a choice to worked it off a jacks place until i get a job but like i said i needed to switch off and even if i were to work, the cash isnt gonna be in my pocket.
i wasnt understanding nothing wouldve ever gone your way. everything, well almost everything have been your way. until this.
when people say in life you have to choose and make your own choices, i reckon it's a big hoax. im not making any choice. EVEN MY OWN DAMN STUDIES. i want to pursue law to further pursue my investigative journalist career but seems like it's not going to happen. it's tough.
oh btw, he said, pity me instead of me pitying you. wow.
sometimes i wish i can permantly switch off and not wake up.
oh about the comparing part, maybe i should damn hell compare with people who had parent(s) by their side since young. probably i'd feel better that my fucking parents werent there for me when i was a kid.
and i shd compare with kids who had a proper childhood and not get touched and abused by assholes. ya guess what, no one knows that because of the lack of responsibilities from my parents, ive been jumping around houses and things happened.
until today, no one knows that mm's mom's bf use to touch me when i was as young as 6. touch me as in touch my damn privates. you can say that i may i rmbed wrongly den explain to me how the hell do i know what an orgasm feels. well technically i didnt know thats how it feels until he n i got together. and yeap thank you very much. compare me now, compare me with some other kid who got raped.
u noe i always tell mysef to be strong because its all in the past. but how. i was abused by people because im a stubborn kid. but you already said it what, im a kid. my freaking parents left me, how else was i suppose to react.
in life people will never give you chance to react. when its wrong its wrong.
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