Smell the air of success and failures

Life, till today, taught me nothing! No birds no bees no butterflies. You know how nasty can people get. They blabber and blabber and blabber but, what the heck, they don't even know they're speaking. It's really sad that the human beings are gonna die of global warming someday. They just don't listen, so do i actually.

You know i really like to see that i threaten people with what i can do, show or offer but hell i don't get smirky all over. I do what i'm told and i do it right. and for that i get piss ass dunky attitude. People just subconscioulsy do terrible stuff they just don't know. I do too. I'm no saint, but at least admit it la. Oh im a senior i rule, i have full authority. People don't get it. or rather, i don't get it. Seniority is not power, brains' the power. How can someone of no damn right wriggly wriggle in their head think think think that seniority rules out every damn ant on the floor. No seriously.

Actually i'm not rulling out the fact that i'm all perfect smart and hardworking. i do have my lazy times. Oh yes i'm actually really lazy. But still these people are just, human beings maybe. It's pathetic. I need to leave. Leave leave leave. It's so miserable. But then again, NOOOO, if i leave it just shows that i've no guts. I mean if i can battle her hands down, imagine that. I'm slacking really badly now-a-days. Even i can't stand my own attitude. tsk tsk girl.

You know how the hierachy thingy works? People of the same level talk nice and team up and then fight the nasty ones. But apparently, yes i have people of my same level but i don't see no team. I see, hierachy lvl 1 (my level) me + authoritative worker. hierachy level 2 ok not so bad authority handled over there. and further on i've no complains. But you guys see a problem there? my level. where everyone's on par? you see that you see that? There's a bug in there. There should have no authority waves going on there. Somethings happening.

Well guys, results of seniority. I was born late, i came late i was just late. Late to be fugging screwed up my arse and be an obedient whiney vessel.

When i 1st got in, i told myself. ok, i'm gonna buck up i'm gonna be really really hardworking cos' i'm given this chance i'm not gonna screw it. My attitude now, i tell you. STINKS. I don't give a shit if i've written bad stuff, i don't give a shit if my stuff are credible i don't give a shit cos you guys don't give a shit. Think my only passion left in there is the kaching $$$$$. I'm just merely surviving with it, it sucks.

My morale is just suicidal already. It's plunging really really fast. I don't work for passion i don't talk with pride anymore. No more... It's perry como meets richie sambora. DISATER...

Someone help?

Live and let die

You hear comments, you hate it, but just what can you do about it.
Someone says, you're too free you play games all everyday. Someone isn't aware that people know she's worst than she speak of others. Maybe and i guess if i didnt remeber correctly, people dismiss themselves because of her. Well well, today is my 1st lesson to live and let die, im 20 soon. No more getting angry over empty vessels yelling for attention. Still i'm gonna have to let it out, not like it's air, i can easily fart them out. These are stuff with residue, it's gonna hurt my rectum and tear the surface real bad.

Not saying i'm perfect, in fact, im getting from bad to worst. Days have passed, i got from angry to feelings no more. It's like i've given up hope. Today i got freedom of speech tomorrow i go sewage water down my throat. People say it's politics. I say it's just stupid human beings. In fact i'm one of them too. I'm neither dedicated nor compassionate. I'm jus mere retarded, angsty mean young teen. Hear Hear, three cheers for me.

I'm not just getting more and more disappointed with myself, but people around me. People who can't mind their damn shitty business. WTF. I am me i be who i want so just fug off and go home and hump your curtains or something. It's pretty upsetting that i've to come to a point where i can only vent all this no feelings onto a cyber space. I'm getting miserable. I'm afraid this transition, i'm gonna loose something. I think i might, i'm not putting anymore effort. There is jus no more point. I see, i can't grow, i hear, i don't know. Pathetic eh.
I'm not trying to gain any sympathy in fact, i doubt anyone even know's this blog exist. It's just that, YA LOR I DUNO WHY I TOK THIS WAY.

So, pathetic as i sound, i'm not gaining anyone's sympathay. I just want to say things i don't think is a joke. People insult, people say it's a joke. You know how we humans can tell apart whether what's a joke what's not. We are no fools you people.

You know... i never intended this happy place to be an angry, backstabbing twoface scold people spot, but you know i really need to vent it out. King once taught me this... give people a chance, all will be better... YEA IN PRISON. No seriously, i've always listened to king's advice because he is just so smart and i know he is doing and saying all things for my own good. But this time i don't think i can agree with him. Maybe cos' he's a guy thats why he can tolerate nitty gritty matters like that. Maybe cos' i'm a girl and i'm onli 20 that's why i can't. I'm not taking the whole i am young thing and giving myself an excuse to be an idiot, but this is how i just see it.

I've had so much spare time to just thing of what good i've done my pass 19 years of life. I guess i did nothing, achieve nothing and yea basically nothing. I'm always given that chance, and i always blow it because of mindless people around me. wtf is wrong with me. Well, than again, that's why this post. tsk tsk. I'm a big big procastinator ain't I.

You know it's sad for my sisters to have me my brothers to have me, only because it's sad for me to have my parents. Life ah life, just makes me feel awkward and embarrassed all the time. How can anyone say life is ever good. Think those people just went bonkers or something. Life is nothing like strolling on the beach sucking all the evening's sunset. It's all total bullshit.

I'm gonna live and let die, and make sure it happens. I'm gonna swim and have tone legs so i don't feel disgusted anymore, i'm gonna do something and make myself happy. I've come this far not just to bring myself all over again. So....

till then....

Piss off. =)