no one will understand. no one.
my morale got stomp-on a million times.
i need more time to recover. but no one will give that chance or time.
no one bothers to take my hand and ask how am i feeling.
in this cruel world. there is no such thing as chance or time. there never will be. not even with people of your next of kin.
how sad right.
already told my friend before, this is a sad unforgiving world, dont understand why in the world are these even happening.
we were brought here to suffer. i said that when i was 6, i will say it again even if i'm 80.
I HATE MY LIFE.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
how much it sucks
it's so damn unfair when you're in your working class-period and you cannot take a damn break. and when you do, u should think of people around you who don't have that choice. nothing will ever be about you. when you say something you'll be compared, when you achieve something you'll be compared. when you do something you'll still be compared.
ive been compared to someone whom isnt worthy my whole life, and right now im outta that era im thrown into another comparission. when will the comparing end.
why cant it be, im stressed and u understand me for once. u said, why cant you understand me for once. this whole time am i not the understanding one. sometimes u just say stuff and never for once stop and appreciate what had been done for you. you're uncomfortable with so many things i just keep quiet and told myself hey. no big deal la, can work something else out.
EVERYTIME YOU ASK ME THE SAME QUESTION, WHY CANT YOU JUST LET IT GO. how to really? how to when you always end with a sentence that will make me feel guilty over the choice ive made. you came over kissed my forehead and said i love you then u went into the toilet. i went to shower but slamming everything around me. so you asked why are your pissed. so i said, it's very unfair for you to say that "i was there for your even when im uncomfortable with your family" because i was very uncomfortable when your friend stayed over for so long and watched porn in the room i was sleeping in and never push further because he was your good friend. after that it all became a blur, you said sorry to me cause it's your job you should have settled it yourself. and you stomped into the room. HOW ON EARTH WAS I SUPPOSE TO REACT TO SOMETHING LIKE THAT. let it go and be that idiotic senseless creature? i really dont know.
It's been a month and the half since im jobless and everyday i get constant reminders to get a job. first thing first. getting a job is not easy, sure many of us know that. exhibit A, AL and JA took three whole months to get a job after being unemployed. exhibit B, MA took a year and still jobless. it's really not easy. yes i had a choice to worked it off a jacks place until i get a job but like i said i needed to switch off and even if i were to work, the cash isnt gonna be in my pocket.
i wasnt understanding nothing wouldve ever gone your way. everything, well almost everything have been your way. until this.
when people say in life you have to choose and make your own choices, i reckon it's a big hoax. im not making any choice. EVEN MY OWN DAMN STUDIES. i want to pursue law to further pursue my investigative journalist career but seems like it's not going to happen. it's tough.
oh btw, he said, pity me instead of me pitying you. wow.
sometimes i wish i can permantly switch off and not wake up.
oh about the comparing part, maybe i should damn hell compare with people who had parent(s) by their side since young. probably i'd feel better that my fucking parents werent there for me when i was a kid.
and i shd compare with kids who had a proper childhood and not get touched and abused by assholes. ya guess what, no one knows that because of the lack of responsibilities from my parents, ive been jumping around houses and things happened.
until today, no one knows that mm's mom's bf use to touch me when i was as young as 6. touch me as in touch my damn privates. you can say that i may i rmbed wrongly den explain to me how the hell do i know what an orgasm feels. well technically i didnt know thats how it feels until he n i got together. and yeap thank you very much. compare me now, compare me with some other kid who got raped.
u noe i always tell mysef to be strong because its all in the past. but how. i was abused by people because im a stubborn kid. but you already said it what, im a kid. my freaking parents left me, how else was i suppose to react.
in life people will never give you chance to react. when its wrong its wrong.
ive been compared to someone whom isnt worthy my whole life, and right now im outta that era im thrown into another comparission. when will the comparing end.
why cant it be, im stressed and u understand me for once. u said, why cant you understand me for once. this whole time am i not the understanding one. sometimes u just say stuff and never for once stop and appreciate what had been done for you. you're uncomfortable with so many things i just keep quiet and told myself hey. no big deal la, can work something else out.
EVERYTIME YOU ASK ME THE SAME QUESTION, WHY CANT YOU JUST LET IT GO. how to really? how to when you always end with a sentence that will make me feel guilty over the choice ive made. you came over kissed my forehead and said i love you then u went into the toilet. i went to shower but slamming everything around me. so you asked why are your pissed. so i said, it's very unfair for you to say that "i was there for your even when im uncomfortable with your family" because i was very uncomfortable when your friend stayed over for so long and watched porn in the room i was sleeping in and never push further because he was your good friend. after that it all became a blur, you said sorry to me cause it's your job you should have settled it yourself. and you stomped into the room. HOW ON EARTH WAS I SUPPOSE TO REACT TO SOMETHING LIKE THAT. let it go and be that idiotic senseless creature? i really dont know.
It's been a month and the half since im jobless and everyday i get constant reminders to get a job. first thing first. getting a job is not easy, sure many of us know that. exhibit A, AL and JA took three whole months to get a job after being unemployed. exhibit B, MA took a year and still jobless. it's really not easy. yes i had a choice to worked it off a jacks place until i get a job but like i said i needed to switch off and even if i were to work, the cash isnt gonna be in my pocket.
i wasnt understanding nothing wouldve ever gone your way. everything, well almost everything have been your way. until this.
when people say in life you have to choose and make your own choices, i reckon it's a big hoax. im not making any choice. EVEN MY OWN DAMN STUDIES. i want to pursue law to further pursue my investigative journalist career but seems like it's not going to happen. it's tough.
oh btw, he said, pity me instead of me pitying you. wow.
sometimes i wish i can permantly switch off and not wake up.
oh about the comparing part, maybe i should damn hell compare with people who had parent(s) by their side since young. probably i'd feel better that my fucking parents werent there for me when i was a kid.
and i shd compare with kids who had a proper childhood and not get touched and abused by assholes. ya guess what, no one knows that because of the lack of responsibilities from my parents, ive been jumping around houses and things happened.
until today, no one knows that mm's mom's bf use to touch me when i was as young as 6. touch me as in touch my damn privates. you can say that i may i rmbed wrongly den explain to me how the hell do i know what an orgasm feels. well technically i didnt know thats how it feels until he n i got together. and yeap thank you very much. compare me now, compare me with some other kid who got raped.
u noe i always tell mysef to be strong because its all in the past. but how. i was abused by people because im a stubborn kid. but you already said it what, im a kid. my freaking parents left me, how else was i suppose to react.
in life people will never give you chance to react. when its wrong its wrong.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
life sucks
do you know. life sucks most when you have to do something against your will. because im broke im gonna have to stay at this god foresaken place. this place is like a depress generator. one fine day everyone will come out a mental patient from this place.
$$ is everyone's best friend but everyone's enemy too. ahh life sucks.
$$ is everyone's best friend but everyone's enemy too. ahh life sucks.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
trust
i know, i'm a victim of trust too.
the truth about trust is it's a mere word to console and remind people to have faith, everything else is a lie.
i wonder when will i harnest enough courage and walk on my own.
maybe its love, there is no doubt that its love for me. but him. i really wonder.
the truth about trust is it's a mere word to console and remind people to have faith, everything else is a lie.
i wonder when will i harnest enough courage and walk on my own.
maybe its love, there is no doubt that its love for me. but him. i really wonder.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
alone again naturally.
i duno how to piece my emotions into words right now, but it sure isnt anything nice. truly im indeed alone again naturally.
Somehow since the birth of the so horrific me, im just somehow destined to be alone... Alone even when he exist i'm still alone.
I get so lonely sometimes. I don't want to find anyone i just want him but i really wonder if he really know.
Sometimes i can stoop so low and forget all my principles i impart to myself. i can be threaten to trust and not trust faithfully. It kinda sucks that im rather crazily in love that the most vital point becomes a weak point. i know its happening but i rather not do anything.
At times i want to just leave and have no memories. I mean, after all everyone's gonna leave me, no? It's just that way somehow. There are so many things i want to criticize and i know i can because i got damn hell of a space over here, but i really don't want to go down to point A and point B.
He always says ill leave him one day, ill change. Don't i know myself better than he does? Well, i'm not a confident person but i know for sure i'm confident of who i want right now. Or maybe he meant otherwise that he cannot kick the flirting habits and eventually i cannot take it. Or is it some mind game. Well, its so tiring sometimes. I just want to once in a while go out with him have fun but...
These four black walls...
If i'm gonna think bout it, theres so many places in singapore i want to go with him. But he just don't want to go with me. i always wanted to know. he never like food of a better class, but he dont mind bringing his good pal somewhere better. I mean he brings me to nice places to eat but ive to ask n ask n ask or either that it's my birthday or a day for celebrations, like hitching a good job.
We definitely are not the "normal" couple you see on streets. Well, true enough he always says he is not normal. Sometimes i really don't understand what he wants. I'm trying my best at my ends to make him happy give him what he needs... whatever he wants right its way too big for my limits right now. (you know, if he sees this, he'll say "den break up la, i never ask you to do anything for me") this is not normal. this is the abnormality we've become.
shucks. like crying... he like keeping quiet or repeating how his right over n over again and i cannot cry. i mean he doesnt like me to cry. i don like him to keep quiet when the problem isnt solve either. but i just cannot cry. he can express his emotions all he wants i cannot.
im damn not asking for anyones pity but sometimes even the slightest thought can trigger my tears. dont get me wrong. im not unhappy and not want to be with him. i want to be with him, just wish he could be slightly more understanding. well, i chose this path, i knew he's gonna turn out like that, who am i to complain right.
but one day... one day... i know for sure theres something big waiting for me.... this ive full confidence....
Somehow since the birth of the so horrific me, im just somehow destined to be alone... Alone even when he exist i'm still alone.
I get so lonely sometimes. I don't want to find anyone i just want him but i really wonder if he really know.
Sometimes i can stoop so low and forget all my principles i impart to myself. i can be threaten to trust and not trust faithfully. It kinda sucks that im rather crazily in love that the most vital point becomes a weak point. i know its happening but i rather not do anything.
At times i want to just leave and have no memories. I mean, after all everyone's gonna leave me, no? It's just that way somehow. There are so many things i want to criticize and i know i can because i got damn hell of a space over here, but i really don't want to go down to point A and point B.
He always says ill leave him one day, ill change. Don't i know myself better than he does? Well, i'm not a confident person but i know for sure i'm confident of who i want right now. Or maybe he meant otherwise that he cannot kick the flirting habits and eventually i cannot take it. Or is it some mind game. Well, its so tiring sometimes. I just want to once in a while go out with him have fun but...
These four black walls...
If i'm gonna think bout it, theres so many places in singapore i want to go with him. But he just don't want to go with me. i always wanted to know. he never like food of a better class, but he dont mind bringing his good pal somewhere better. I mean he brings me to nice places to eat but ive to ask n ask n ask or either that it's my birthday or a day for celebrations, like hitching a good job.
We definitely are not the "normal" couple you see on streets. Well, true enough he always says he is not normal. Sometimes i really don't understand what he wants. I'm trying my best at my ends to make him happy give him what he needs... whatever he wants right its way too big for my limits right now. (you know, if he sees this, he'll say "den break up la, i never ask you to do anything for me") this is not normal. this is the abnormality we've become.
shucks. like crying... he like keeping quiet or repeating how his right over n over again and i cannot cry. i mean he doesnt like me to cry. i don like him to keep quiet when the problem isnt solve either. but i just cannot cry. he can express his emotions all he wants i cannot.
im damn not asking for anyones pity but sometimes even the slightest thought can trigger my tears. dont get me wrong. im not unhappy and not want to be with him. i want to be with him, just wish he could be slightly more understanding. well, i chose this path, i knew he's gonna turn out like that, who am i to complain right.
but one day... one day... i know for sure theres something big waiting for me.... this ive full confidence....
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
disturbing fact
Life has never been settling even since the day i was born.
Funny thing is, i get many females coming to me telling me how females should let theyre male partners flirt because they ultimately only love on which is you.
Kinda saddens me. No, it reali hurts. A friend of mine told me that i shd just let "him" be and by now i should be use to it already... Seems like we women have stooped really low if someone can come out saying stuff like that.
I want to cry but i'm really tired to cry. I want to build up my courage and leave but the women's heart is not meant for shit stuff like that.
Don't go trample on a heart that once loved you. OMG is this karma. yea maybe itself.
ahhh....
fuck life....
Funny thing is, i get many females coming to me telling me how females should let theyre male partners flirt because they ultimately only love on which is you.
Kinda saddens me. No, it reali hurts. A friend of mine told me that i shd just let "him" be and by now i should be use to it already... Seems like we women have stooped really low if someone can come out saying stuff like that.
I want to cry but i'm really tired to cry. I want to build up my courage and leave but the women's heart is not meant for shit stuff like that.
Don't go trample on a heart that once loved you. OMG is this karma. yea maybe itself.
ahhh....
fuck life....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)